So a lot of September was spent kinda prepping for a surgery that was to take place at the very start of October. I literally had some ultrasound scans done of my abdomen because I had gallstones and my doc wanted my gallbladder removed. Fast forward to October and the Monday before my surgery my throat is super scratchy and I'm all hot and have sniffles. I tested myself and I was COVID positive.
It's been my first time having Covid. So the first few days were the worst. In and out of consciousness, sweaty, sore muscle aches and a fever. It tapered off and then I started having so much mucus as my body was fighting the viral infection. I felt like I was doing a decent job of self-isolating. Then about 5 days into my illness, Jamie caught it. It's week 3 and I'm feeling like 95% normal now!! I only have a little bit of mucus when I wake up like I have allergies and no coughing or anything. I can eat normally. I'm not fatigued like I used to be.

I have heard that the first infection with COVID is the worst. I hope that's true because I really don't want to experience that again if I can help it. It's lingered so damn long.

Anyway, I've been looking forward to Halloween and watching scary movies with my friend Ollie! I've also been playing spooky games on Twitch which is always fun! I kind of want to make some Halloween foods for the day of!!

I will be cleaning up this journal. Cleaning up decades worth of tags, old links to LiveJournal and other misc items that are no longer functional (like old access lists I no longer keep)

So caution!  I'm trying to clean up and some stuff might be a bit dusty here!  I hope to continue to use this old reliable format, despite having all of the usual social media types, because honestly there's nothing quite like an old-fashioned HTML written journal entry.  Even WordPress isn't a suitable replacement.  Heheheh.

Not much has changed.  Jam and I got a new cat because one of the kittens was pregnant so we sent her to get spayed and kept her.

She's a handful of energy but she keeps Sebastian (Cat in icon) busy.

Jam and I have watched Spy x Family.  We've also watched Trixie Motel.  That's about it as far as shows.  We spend far too much time playing Genshin Impact, Final Fantasy 14 or Minecraft.  That's what we do instead of constructive things. lol

I've been reading manga a lot.  Sasaki and Miyano.  Very cute and glacial paced as Miyano decides whether or not he truly returns Sasaki's feelings.  Sasaki promising to "wait forever" for Mya-chan's answer after he confessed. Blushy glances, Sasaki touching Miyano too much (hands and face) because he can't help but want to touch the person he loves.  Miyano slowly realizing his heart races around Sasaki.  There's a few more pairings in the series, but Sasaki and Miyano are the main focus.

Seaside Stranger..  I started reading scanlations originally, so it's nice to see it printed.  I have 1 & 2 but haven't read them yet and I forgot much of what happens but it's got a bit of a sad story since one MC got rejected by his family for being gay, but he finds someone he loves.

I have all of the MXTX danmei novels currently out but also haven't read them.  Planned to do a "book club" with a friend and gotta see what she's on.  We once read The Shining together so this is gonna be different.

I feel like Fujoshi get kind of a bad rep.  They're seen as "IDOLIZING" or sexualizing gay relationships in a fetishized way.  And while I believe it to be true in a way, I question that generalization.  At least toward myself. 

When I was in school my best friend was a gay guy.  Well, specifically he identified as bisexual.  Much of his romantic and sexual encounters were with men.  I had always wanted a best friend in general and the two of us were supportive of each other to the point that we were friends even when we graduated out of high school.  We had our own little in-jokes and cared about each other as friends do.  I was more into anime and manga.  He wasn't, but I told him how there was a genre of manga that was mostly gay relationships and he seemed interested.  At the time this was when there wasn't a lot of manga/anime in the west so I couldn't show him a lot.  Anyway, it was cool that he liked me despite my weird nerdy behavior.  In the end we grew apart because he would use drugs and would steal and basically I couldn't deal with that kind of thing.  He started caring more about himself and his habits and less about me in general.  So I stopped talking to him.

This doesn't have anything really to do with fudanshi, but I guess I'll always hold a special fondness for men who are gay specifically because one was there for me when my own brother would be an asshole to me. 

I grew into being a fujoshi and being into BL and all that, but mostly when I see fudanshi I feel like they're allies and like fellow fans.  Mostly I'm happy for them.

There's a couple of Vtubers in NijiEN who are fudanshi and two that play at being boyfriends. (I don't know if they really are, but they seem to be close) and I'm mostly happy for them and excited to get danmei, BL, etc discussions from a guys perspective.  Sensitive and kind-hearted people who are into romance are so cool and I adore them!!!  I don't know if this thinking is the bad thing that people hate?  I don't know if I say the wrong things or am being problematic.  I just know that I'm happy to find more fans of things I like in general.

I am so happy that there are English Vtubers like Uki Violeta and Fulgur Ovid to be the openly gay power couple of Nijisanji EN.  It's adorable and I can only wish the best for whatever they do.

Um this month is ending and I guess I should write down if anything happened.

I've been trying to cook more and I have a Dietician who recommended I use https://www.eatlove.is . It's an app to count caloric and fat intake but it also has a ton of recipes and can suggest some smarter things to eat while out.  You can log things from some fast food places too.

Seems like home cooking is just generally healthier and has less sodium.

Jamie spent most of the day today at the vet with the baby kitties.  They've all got their first shots.  They just need boosters.  So we definitely can put them up for adoption and take nice photos.

I felt especially useless and alone today so I had a bout of depression, even though things weren't too different.  I'm not sure if it was the shift in weather, but I really felt down on myself and like crying.  I was able to talk to a friend, so that was awesome.  Logically I know I'm not useless or nothing, but my negative mind will just linger on bad thoughts.  It's something I can't make disappear.  It'll just go away for a while and come back eventually.  I'll try to be better.  And honestly doing things like daily tasks helps.  but also that'll kick up my Anxiety to do more tasks... so I'll kinda get feeling either anxious or depressed.  I always get embarrassed when I look back on the small things that made me have these feelings, but in the moment things feel hopeless.  I could try to do breathing exercises more often.

Anyway, besides all of that junk I'm quite happy with where I live and I want to work on art again.  I was motivated enough to work on an old drawing today.

I've been playing Minecraft a bit, which I'm not sure helps me focus.  Haha.  It's easy to get caught up doing mini-goals and tasks in that game.  Sometimes it is fun to just explore and dig.  It's soothing.

Feeling somewhat melancholy just because it's the start of a new year. I keep thinking about how I haven't done much at all in the past year. But in reality, I should think about what I CAN DO in 2022. I can definitely attempt to draw more often, eat right and exercise. I can find a decent job so that living in this nice house won't be so bad.

Some cats had kittens under the house when we first moved in. There's five kittens and they're adorable, but they have fleas and poop/pee on the porch. At least they used to. They're getting better at going in the dirt areas. They need to be taken to a shelter, since we can't adopt them out. There's too many and they need medication. We've been feeding them. They add some stress to our life because our indoor cats got fleas from them.

Anyway, things have been ok. I really hope to focus more.

On more distracting things, I've been watching vtubers and Nijisanji has recently introduced some English speaking male vtubers. Luxiem is a 5 boy group and they're all adorable and amusing/funny. I'm already buying acrylic standees of them. jfc. Part of my brain is like "you're too old to fangirl over 2D characters" but I'm also like "fuck it, you only live once." and since the world is plagued by Covid and other horrible shit, being a fucking nerd isn't all that bad.

My mom had to have a biopsy on a mass in her breast. She has had to dealt with breast cancer in the past, but they've been on top of it, so this is an early "let's make sure" kind of thing. I hope it's ok. I hate the feeling that it could be bad. Despite disagreements, I love my mom.

I hope to have a good new year and I hope that if anyone reads this, they have a good year too!

I know this has been a thing since Gamergate. But why do incel gamer dudes think only men play vidya games?

Twt vid of a gamer claiming that girls who play on twitch don't even like the games they play. The logical leaps are astounding. If these girls didn't like the games they were playing, wouldn't they just do girly shit like makeup or dress-up or whatever else this moron thinks girls LIKE to do? Twitch hosts stuff besides gaming. Like you can stream "just chilling" conversations on there or art drawing. lol

Aside from this, I played NES before this little shit was born. Jam was so into Sega Genesis and SONIC stuff that she has a whole collection. But sure, girls aren't real gamers. sure. My over 400+ hours logged on Zelda BOTW were fake because I'm NOT A REAL GAMER.

Over 41% of PS4 and PS5 owners are women. I mean, I don't have a ps5 yet, but I have owned all the other PlayStations and currently have a 4. It's always hilarious how dudes tend to think women don't actually play games.

I remember when I worked at Barnes & Noble one of my managers was an indie app dev for Apple Store. I was like "women play games too" and he was like "yeah, they do play mobile games, if you count those". No, motherfucker. They play Resi 8, Dark Souls and even CoD.

It's just frustrating. I mean, if a girl plays stuff like The Sims, ACNH, Stardew Valley, etc. That's cool. She's valid! She's a gamer. Minecraft and stuff are GAMES TOO. But girls also play the stuff guys don't think they do. They play fps and never turn their mic on because they don't want to deal with bullshit. They will choose to play as dudes and pick non-gender screennames because it's easier.

Hi! I forgot Dreamwidth was a thing. I have been okay lately. Just avoiding shitty people and ignoring issues so I don't get anxiety. Ahaha.

Today is Mother's Day and Jam and I picked up a cake for my mom. I don't think I'll do anything else otherwise. I love her, but sometimes I can't.

Anyway! I've been playing Genshin Impact a lot. I got mildly obsessed with it and got to Adventurer's Rank 19. It's a gacha game and the cute characters are collectable. I wish I could unlock a lot more, but that takes "wishes" which would cost ACTUAL MONEY or gems earned. and even then it's a gamble. Like even if you paid $5 you only get two wishes and they could be weapons and not CHARACTERS. bleh. lol

Also trying to work more on art.

I have been trying to read more manga. I have quite a few series I'm starting and some that are unread on the shelf. Heh.

Avianna and I read The Shining by Stephen King together and watched the film.

I have eaten inside restaurants since vaccinated and it's been nice. Feels like almost normal.

I am now fully vaccinated for COVID-19.

Anyway, Jamie and I managed to get a life-sized fiberglass Sonic and Tails figures from a dude who runs a shop in a local flea market. We were getting them for a Sonic Collector friend of ours. The dude wouldn't sell to other people but he sold to us. We're super grateful. It was $1400 for both figures. They used to be props used in a Toys R Us.