Sammich's Journal

So a lot of September was spent kinda prepping for a surgery that was to take place at the very start of October. I literally had some ultrasound scans done of my abdomen because I had gallstones and my doc wanted my gallbladder removed. Fast forward to October and the Monday before my surgery my throat is super scratchy and I'm all hot and have sniffles. I tested myself and I was COVID positive.
It's been my first time having Covid. So the first few days were the worst. In and out of consciousness, sweaty, sore muscle aches and a fever. It tapered off and then I started having so much mucus as my body was fighting the viral infection. I felt like I was doing a decent job of self-isolating. Then about 5 days into my illness, Jamie caught it. It's week 3 and I'm feeling like 95% normal now!! I only have a little bit of mucus when I wake up like I have allergies and no coughing or anything. I can eat normally. I'm not fatigued like I used to be.

I have heard that the first infection with COVID is the worst. I hope that's true because I really don't want to experience that again if I can help it. It's lingered so damn long.

Anyway, I've been looking forward to Halloween and watching scary movies with my friend Ollie! I've also been playing spooky games on Twitch which is always fun! I kind of want to make some Halloween foods for the day of!!

Um this month is ending and I guess I should write down if anything happened.

I've been trying to cook more and I have a Dietician who recommended I use https://www.eatlove.is . It's an app to count caloric and fat intake but it also has a ton of recipes and can suggest some smarter things to eat while out.  You can log things from some fast food places too.

Seems like home cooking is just generally healthier and has less sodium.

Jamie spent most of the day today at the vet with the baby kitties.  They've all got their first shots.  They just need boosters.  So we definitely can put them up for adoption and take nice photos.

I felt especially useless and alone today so I had a bout of depression, even though things weren't too different.  I'm not sure if it was the shift in weather, but I really felt down on myself and like crying.  I was able to talk to a friend, so that was awesome.  Logically I know I'm not useless or nothing, but my negative mind will just linger on bad thoughts.  It's something I can't make disappear.  It'll just go away for a while and come back eventually.  I'll try to be better.  And honestly doing things like daily tasks helps.  but also that'll kick up my Anxiety to do more tasks... so I'll kinda get feeling either anxious or depressed.  I always get embarrassed when I look back on the small things that made me have these feelings, but in the moment things feel hopeless.  I could try to do breathing exercises more often.

Anyway, besides all of that junk I'm quite happy with where I live and I want to work on art again.  I was motivated enough to work on an old drawing today.

I've been playing Minecraft a bit, which I'm not sure helps me focus.  Haha.  It's easy to get caught up doing mini-goals and tasks in that game.  Sometimes it is fun to just explore and dig.  It's soothing.

Feeling somewhat melancholy just because it's the start of a new year. I keep thinking about how I haven't done much at all in the past year. But in reality, I should think about what I CAN DO in 2022. I can definitely attempt to draw more often, eat right and exercise. I can find a decent job so that living in this nice house won't be so bad.

Some cats had kittens under the house when we first moved in. There's five kittens and they're adorable, but they have fleas and poop/pee on the porch. At least they used to. They're getting better at going in the dirt areas. They need to be taken to a shelter, since we can't adopt them out. There's too many and they need medication. We've been feeding them. They add some stress to our life because our indoor cats got fleas from them.

Anyway, things have been ok. I really hope to focus more.

On more distracting things, I've been watching vtubers and Nijisanji has recently introduced some English speaking male vtubers. Luxiem is a 5 boy group and they're all adorable and amusing/funny. I'm already buying acrylic standees of them. jfc. Part of my brain is like "you're too old to fangirl over 2D characters" but I'm also like "fuck it, you only live once." and since the world is plagued by Covid and other horrible shit, being a fucking nerd isn't all that bad.

My mom had to have a biopsy on a mass in her breast. She has had to dealt with breast cancer in the past, but they've been on top of it, so this is an early "let's make sure" kind of thing. I hope it's ok. I hate the feeling that it could be bad. Despite disagreements, I love my mom.

I hope to have a good new year and I hope that if anyone reads this, they have a good year too!