(no subject)

There's a feeling that never really goes away and I read a scene in a manga where an introverted character gets confessed to by someone who is willing to understand them even if  the other doesn't feel worthy.  It was super cute, but it's so far from things I experienced in my life. 

Most of the time I feel like I'm not even worth noticing or talking to.  I feel like an invisible person and it's probably best if I fade out.  I've ;earned over the years to give off a false sense of not caring or pretending things don't bother me.  In reality I don't even think I'm capable of talking to people properly.

The only good thing that ever happened in my life was meeting Jamie.  She's a lot like me with an introverted personality.  She's the only person who keeps me from losing my will to live when things get dark.  I just wish I met more Jamies in my life.  People who liked me in general.

I can't even pretend I'll ever meet a significant other, rather I'm lucky to have a handful of people willing to listen to me.  I wish I meant more to people in life or was more "normal" but I guess I'm not.  I definitely am afraid of being annoying by bothering people too much.  I don't know if that makes people think I don't like them.  It's more than I feel like most of the things I say are stupid and not worth anything.

I know social media is making it worse to connect because people aren't having conversations, so for me it's very difficult since I was bad at talking from the start.

I guess there is no point to this other than venting and my problems are so small compared to everything else in the world.  I guess I just wanted to voice the pain I feel and at least am somewhat relieved that I'm not the only person in the world so insecure.  I just wish things turned out better for me.